It’s February, which means everyone has stopped saying that the coming year will be “lit.” The notion of 2017 being the year to “put 2016 behind you” and “never look back” has disappeared from your social media feeds. Everyone’s amped up energy for a new chance at a new year has dwindled and we have finally leveled off into our baseline mediocrity. That being said, it is time to revamp New Year’s resolutions.

Year-long resolutions are tough to maintain. Why lose weight when summer isn’t even around the corner? Why start a blog when you have nothing important to say? Why start running when you can just not? The point is that it’s hard to look at what you want to accomplish when there is seemingly so much time and no pressure to do it. That is why year-long resolutions need to go through an update.

For brevity’s sake, we should use week-long resolutions. By doing this, not only do we appeal to millennials with their short attention spans, but we also appeal to people who love reminding millennials that they have short attention spans. Nothing says success like focusing on the next seven rotations of our flat Earth! (for more information on our flat earth, click here)

There are two routes you can take in setting up your weekly goals. One involves picking easy stuff to make sure you actually accomplish something, while the other involves a more difficult path where you select challenging enough goals to keep you perpetually stressed.


The most flawless way to enjoy your life on a weekly basis is to attend college on your parent’s money. After doing this, the key is to just refrain from applying yourself. Going to college can be a paradise. If it’s free then you get to hang out with thousands of people your age for four years. Enjoy the parties and the utter lack of responsibility. College is, after all, a “dose” of reality. Make sure each week’s goal is just to enjoy yourself. Now get out there and stop trying!

The alternative method to creating stressful weekly challenges is to go to college, but instead actually apply yourself. If you work your ass off in school it can be quite stressful. You’ll be constantly catching up on reading, working on the weekends, and generally just trying to balance your life. It can be incredibly challenging. By immersing yourself in short-term academic goals you’ll be miserable, but the time will fly.

Now go make 2017 as lit, fly, fresh, dope, wicked, or whatever as much as you can!